And when Oprah tells me there’s a secret to living the life of my dreams, I believe her. I believe her because SHE is living the life of my dreams, so she must know what she’s talking about.

Turns out, there IS a secret to living the life of my dreams _ a.k.a. Oprah’s life. And it’s not just a secret; it’s "THE Secret," a DVD and accompanying literature culled by an Australian TV producer named Rhonda Byrne. Byrne has assembled a self-help supergroup that includes the likes of "Chicken Soup ..." author Jack Canfield, psychologist John Gray, and a posse of physicians, authors and other experts (including a "metaphysician") who are featured in the DVD as teachers of The Secret.

It’s all about the "Law of Attraction," they say. And happiness is a simple matter of learning to draw into your life all your heart’s desires: romance, money, love, money, nice cars, money, good friends, money, fame, money, money and money.

Did I mention that "The Secret" literature focuses pretty heavily on money?

Again, I’ll defer to Oprah’s expertise on this point.

From what I can tell, "The Secret" basically boils down to living intentionally _ examining the life you live and focusing your physical, mental and emotional energy on creating the life you want to live.

And it’s as easy as placing an order at a drive-thru window.

I’ll take Oprah’s life, please, with a side of three children and a view of Fly Creek Valley to go.

See, that’s where I’ve been going about things very poorly. I have not been ordering perfection from "The Universe." And I’ve made some seriously bone-headed mistakes. '

For instance, it was a really bad idea to draw that cancer into my life. I should have asked for money instead. But hey _ at least I’m not alone in creating a lot of senseless suffering for myself.

Look at all those people along the Gulf Coast. Maybe if people in Louisiana and Mississippi had been a little more self-actualized, Hurricane Katrina would have hit some place with a little more self-loathing.

And wow, all those people in Darfour really need to get in touch with their spiritual sides and align themselves with the great goodness of "The Universe." Either that or watch more Oprah.

Positive thinking does have enormous power. But it also has an ugly flipside that blames people for the awful things that happen to them.

It’s natural, of course, to want to insulate ourselves from bad things. So in the face of tragedies that befall people every minute of every day, why not search for a scrap of reassurance that those people had some kind of control over it?

If it’s possible to invite suffering, then it might be possible to refuse it, as well.

And that’s where Oprah and I must part ways. Whether I ordered it or not, I’ll keep my suffering.

Whether we experience something big like cancer or small like a stubbed toe or an unzipped fly, we gain traction in this world to move forward and learn lessons that might have eluded us otherwise. Lessons like: Always check your fly before you leave the bathroom.

It is possible that the very worst things that happen to us can become the things for which we are the most grateful because of what we’ve learned and because of the powerful way that they connect us to each other.

Suffering is one of the most human things we do. It strips away money and power and Prada bags. It reminds us that we are not so different than the person who lost his home in New Orleans, or the person who lost a family in Darfour.

It reminds us to care for each other gently and with great vigilance.

And that is something I wouldn’t trade for all of Oprah’s money.

Elizabeth Trever Buchinger is a freelance writer who wants to make it perfectly clear that she is in no way criticizing Oprah Winfrey or and Oprah-related product. She can be reached via email at VillageWordsmith@gmail.com.