I suspect this is because my regular stuff is a bit off-the-wall and not really relevant to most of this paper’s audience, whereas the battle against obesity hits unfortunately close to home for so many of us.

Not that this is taking the place of an even juicier story. The best I could come up with otherwise was a piece discussing how sad it is to see our society transfixed by the collapse of celebrities like Britney Spears and death of pseudo-celebs like Anna Nicole Smith. I actually started writing that one, but quickly realized that a month of shaking my head in disgust at the media’s fixation did not translate into compelling prose.

So here we are, at the end of month two, and unfortunately, the news is not so good.

As you’ll recall, a few weeks ago I reported that I got off to a strong start in January. By exercising more, eating healthier foods and drastically cutting back on the junk food I was able to slash 11 pounds from my rumpus.

In February, I wasn’t quite so good. In fact, I was downright naughty at times, and the result was a gain of six pounds, cutting my net loss so far to five pounds. Not exactly the mark of a world-class loser.

There are a wide variety of factors (i.e. excuses) that contributed to my fall.

There was Chocolatefest at the Winter Carnival, discounted Valentine’s Day candies at various stores, a snowstorm that left my back in shambles and an ant infestation that rendered my kitchen unusable.

But let’s not kid each other here. All of those are sustainable incidents that should not have set me back to this extent. No, the true culprit and the root of my downfall can be traced to a single source: Cadbury creme eggs.

Those milk chocolate shells filled with ooey-gooey creme payloads marched onto shelves in early February and obliterated the resistance to junk food I had been nurturing throughout January.

With a rapidity that would impress even the most hard-nosed military strategist, the foil-wrapped calorie bombs shocked my system and awed my appetite, quickly crumbling my diet regime.

Hope is not completely lost, however. I think I’ve finally overdosed on the Cadbury candies and can avoid them until next Easter. More importantly, I still have a month to recapture the form that set me well along the path of a big-time loser.

And if you happen to see me in a grocery store where it looks like I’m straying from that path, feel free to pelt me with eggs.

Just not the chocolate kind.