I went and got a haircut this weekend, but please, don't feel obligated to compliment me on my newly coiffed 'do. I'm certainly not fishing for positive feedback and any that mistakenly found its way to me would be gently returned with a look that asks "What are you, stupid?"

You see, I've never actually had a good haircut. Not that I'm criticizing the nice ladies who have put blades to my scalp over the years; they've all done fine jobs considering the material they had to work with. But what they were working with was (and is) a disaster.

The problems began during my troubled junior high school years. Instead of falling in with the wrong crowd, I fell in with the wrong hairstyle. It was a poor man's attempt at the "greaser" look - except I used water to slick my hair back instead of something oily. By the end of the day, my hair had curled in the front and gone frizzy on top, looking like a perm job gone bad.

Eventually, I simply abandoned all efforts to tame the wild locks that seemed hell bent on sticking out at as many obtrusive angles as possible.

Soon a teeming swarm of hair ringed my head and I developed what would most accurately be described as a "half-fro," a white boy's attempt at mimicking the full-flavored afros that only seem to come naturally to African Americans.

By my senior year, I must have gone six solid months without a hair cut, and my hair was so long that I could chew on it. Not that I would put something that gross in my mouth, but the option was there. Combined with the scraggly bear I had decided to grow, I was one hairy beast.

While I no longer have the lengthy half-fro, I haven't fully abandoned the style, despite being employed and an "adult." Far from being a conscious decision in regards to style, this is primarily because I'm too lazy to come up with something better. Additionally, I can't stand forking over cash every month just to see a tiny pile of my hair get swept up and discarded.

I guess today that leaves me with a "quarter-fro." Which sounds about as uninspired as it looks.

Maybe it's time for a more modern cut. Like a mullet.