I'm already regretting this column and it's only the first sentence.

You see, recent events in Washington D.C. are forcing me to do something I've been putting off as long as possible. They're forcing me to write a serious column.

I hate being serious. Cancer is serious. Heart attacks are serious. The New York Yankees are serious.

Serious is the dirtiest word in our language as far as I'm concerned, and right now I'm swearing like a sailor. A serious sailor.

Also, I've tried being serious before and I've found I generally have no idea what I am talking about.

Which makes it all the more frustrating that I have to be serious about a topic near and dear to my sense of self-being: video games.

The reason I'm serious, furious, and querulous (I had to look that last one up too, it means grouchy), is that my beloved pastime is under attack yet again from pinhead politicians looking to score brownie points with their ignorant constituents.

On Tuesday, the House of Representatives voted 355-21, passing a resolution asking the Federal Trade Commission to investigate Rockstar Games, creator of the vilified Grand Theft Auto series. Specifically, they wanted to investigate the latest game in the serious, GTA: San Andreas.

In San Andreas, you play Carl Johnson, an African-American who comes back to his west coast hood after his mom gets killed in a gang incident. Featuring extremely strong (i.e. realistic) language, violence and drug use, the game is clearly not meant for youngsters. It's probably not meant for the emotionally unstable either, but somehow I got a copy.

Appropriately rated M for mature by the Entertainment Ratings Software Board, the game features a ton of blood in which players are rewarded for killing, stealing and performing gang-related activities. Games rated M are meant for people ages 17 and older and many stores now ID kids who attempt to buy M-rated games.

Earlier this month, the rating was changed to adults only, after a hidden mini-game was found that, when unlocked, involved an interactive sex scene.

Although it takes a device to implement the cheat code you need to access it, the scene eventually has the player controlling Carl as he has sex with his girlfriend. No digital genitals are shown and from what I've read, it isn't even that interesting.

The politicians seem to disagree.

Despite the fact that the game is only meant for mature (physically, at least) audiences and despite the fact that you can see far worse on any soap opera or R-rated movie, Congress has worked itself into a tizzy over the game.

The problem Congress, and I suspect many adults, are having, is that they still view video games as child's play. While it's true that young kids were originally the target market for video games makers, the industry has changed.

From its humble beginnings with simple pixels moving back and forth in a game called Pong, the technology has evolved by leaps and bounds. Games now take as much money to make as movies, and the complexity of their stories has been on the upswing for years.

The industry is now worth almost $10 billion a year and the average gamer is in his 20s or early 30s. Kids still play, sure, but adults are just as likely to be firing up the PlayStation or Xbox as the kids are these days.

As the games have grown up, so have the gamers. Many of the kids who started with an Atari or Nintendo have grown up with video games and have spent countless hours performing all sorts of atrocious acts.

Personally, I've used biological weapons to commit genocide, ripped the spine out of my bloodied opponent and sent countless minions to their deaths at the hands of my awaiting enemies. Of course, I've also saved hundreds of worlds from evil tyrants, saved villages from marauding monsters and even rescued a princess or two.

That games would have evolved to include sex scenes is not only expected, but a natural evolution. Politicians and parents need to accept that reality has changed and wake up before they waste any more time crusading against windmills.

Like most situations, video games are the black sheep being skinned in place of the deeper issues underlying whatever problem the nation is pretending to address. In this case, it's clearly "where are mom and dad?"

If you don't want your children playing games like Grand Theft Auto, don't buy them. Take an active role in your child's life and stop letting video games and the television be the babysitter.

As for Washington, they'll keep rallying the war cry against video games every few years. Good thing there aren't more pressing issues in our nation at the moment. Imagine how ridiculous this whole debate would look if we were at war or something.

I'm glad it's not that serious yet.