If memory serves me, high school seniors about to walk the plank for graduation have only one thing on their minds these days: graduation parties.

Parents, however, have already started filling out grad school applications and are busy coming up with six different sets of life plans for their kids.

They may not know it yet, but, according to mom and dad, little Johnny or darling Jane is going to triple major in chemistry, physics and anatomy, graduate with top honors from med school and become a world-renowned doctor with a six-figure salary.

Whoa mom and dad, slow down.

As a recent college graduate and the wayward son of two loving parents, whose misguided advice was universally ignored, I feel obligated to pass along some advice to folks sending off their kids to the meat grinder that is college.

You may not like what you hear, but follow these almost-wholesome nuggets of "wisdom" and your kids might still speak to you after the four (or five, or six) years of college are finally over.

- Stop giving advice. Period. The inclination will be to inundate your child with any tidbit of knowledge that comes to mind, be it the obvious "Go to class everyday," the slightly useful "Change your sheets every so often" or the essential "Liquor before beer."

Not only is this stuff common sense (which, believe it or not, kids do possess in moderate levels), but the very act of giving obvious advice is kind of insulting. After enough suggestions, your kid will believe you view them as having the intelligence of a sea monkey.

The best advice you can give is a hug and a simple "Call if you need anything." The rest will sort itself out, typically without serious bodily harm.

- Unless you have an incredibly open relationship with your child, don't even ask them about what they do at night or on weekends. No matter how innocuous the questions, if they feel like you don't trust them and are probing into their private lives they'll clam up faster than you can say.

(See? You didn't event get to say it.)

Of course, college is a life-altering experience, and I'd be a fool to suggest you shouldn't ask about their lives. The trick is in how you ask it.

Ask an open question like "So, anything exciting going on these days?" and give them the opportunity to share what they choose to share.

The bottom line is, your kid is going to do things you would not approve of. As long as they don't make it on the FBI's "Most Wanted" list or Girls Gone Wild, you're better off not knowing about it. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

- Don't give your kid a large chunk of money right at the start of a semester. Every kid in college picks up a habit or two, and studying usually isn't one of them. Having a fat wad of cash on hand means they can indulge in their newfound taste for whatever vice or virtue they picked up, so it's better to send smaller amounts spread out over time.

This is especially important near the end of the semester once the meal plan money has run out and your child is running on fumes and ramen (in order of nutritional value).

And if you can't resist the temptation to send them six-inch green pictures of Ben Franklin and Ulysses S. Grant, feel free to send them to The Crier c/o Casey Campbell for safekeeping.

- NEVER visit unannounced. Dorm life is a peculiar universe in which each dormitory, floor and hallway creates its own bizarre version of reality. What may be understood by the natives would baffle, confuse and possibly infect ill-prepared outsiders.

Notify your freshman about visits at least three days in advance, giving your kid time to clean up. And by "clean up," I really mean "hide the beer."

- Accept the knowledge that your child will be drinking in college. Only the purest of the pure make it through without a sip, and to be perfectly honest, those kids are missing out on valid life experiences. Don't berate your child for going to a party or two on weekends or for occasionally indulging in a few too many drinks.

On the other hand, do keep an eye on things and don't let the partying get out of hand. Tell them that as long as they keep it confined to the weekends and it's not seriously impacting their work (or liver), you're OK with it.

While we're on the subject of weekends, make a mental note that in college they always start on Thursday.

Finally, if there's one point I can't stress enough, don't push your child into a degree or major program just for the sake of declaring one.

The worst scenario is to get through three years of accounting classes, only to realize senior year that you hate the field, often resulting in an extra year or two of college.

You may want to check on this before their junior year begins, just to make sure they have at least looked at the list of available majors. And if they have declared, make sure it isn't a useless degree like psychology or English. Or journalism.