However, the secret of his success was due in large part to his ability to secure the primary need of his spirit. Brenden knew what to do to be loved.

His method was quite simple, yet it often eludes many of us: in order to receive love, you must give love - unconditionally.

Sometimes Brenden would cry when he was hungry. But before the food went into his mouth, he would smile, and show with his eyes how much he loved you. Sometimes it seemed as if the only reason he were eating was to be social. Love would take precedence over food.

On other occasions Brenden would cry when he was in pain - from muscle pain, a wheelchair part pressing into him, or an eyelash in his eye. But before the pain was relieved, simply holding him and being near him would be enough to prompt him to smile and show with his eyes how much he loved you. Love would take precedence over pain relief.

Many were the nights we would hear Brenden in the middle of the night. We would visit his room to check his position, breathing, diaper, etc. He would immediately give his famous smile and loving gaze. Love would take precedence over sleep.

During the last few days of Brenden's life, he spent most of the time with his eyes closed, struggling to breathe. Yet even then, he managed to occasionally open his eyes and smile at people - even complete strangers. Love filled his life - and his death. Brenden's very last act as he took his final breath was, of course, a smile.

For Brenden, love took precedence over everything. Had he developed "normally," he might have become interested in the pursuit of intellect, beauty, sex, money and recognition - with the idea these things would bring real love into his life. How many of us operate this way every day?

We all need real love, and within all of us resides the ability to secure it. But to some degree, it was a lot easier for Brenden to obtain than it is for many of us. The rest of us become confused, mistreated, complicated, preoccupied or at the very least distracted. We lose sight of what is essential - and the only promise for the continuation of our species - that nothing matters so much as how we treat each other.

For me, remembering Brenden on the anniversary of his death is not a sad occasion - thinking of him fills my whole being.

He was - and is - an inspiration.

Kyla Titus welcomes comments or input on any child-raising issue. She can be reached at (607) 547-9493 or via e-mail at: ktitus@coopercrier.com.